He Stayed

Looking back to the time of my divorce and the time after when I was a single momma in this house, I feel like I was afraid of the dark. I feel like those nights were long and I lost sleep and heard noises and felt afraid and alone. Daytime never seemed to be an issue but I remember tossing and turning and constantly checking on B throughout the night. My heart would race in the darkness and I remember times of feeling paralyzed in fear under my covers. I remember having my grandmother smudge my house and pray over every room to keep the bad spirits out. Long nights....fear that I dimissed at the time because morning always came. The sun would always rise and I would go about my life in the light. Sometimes when my husband is gone I can creep back to those days and feel just a tad bit of the anxiety but for the most part, being afraid of the dark is gone. Light prevails.....

Honesty time: I love Easter more than Christmas. I love that there is no stress over gifts and that there are not 100 parties to attend (let’s be honest I don’t go anyway but that is irrelevant). I love that Easter is warm and breezy and all things new. I love that my entire yard is just beginning to burst into bloom, just on the verge of the peony blooms busting wide open. There is such a feeling of renewal and freshness and new beginnings around Easter. New life is happening all around us. I love brand new haircuts on toddler baby boys at Easter and bopping blonde girls donning special dresses. Easter is my favorite holiday which is what I say about every holiday during that particular holiday. I am a lover of all things. The thought of sweet baby Jesus being born is so special and sweet to me but as Maundy Thursday happened yesterday, I began to feel so weepy and emotional and overwhelmed with gratitude for that cross he chose to bear. Can you believe he loved those guys enough to wash their feet? I shake my head. I want to be a servant like him. I really do. As we go through this weekend I cannot help but feel completely consumed by His love.

Someone died for our sins. For my silver Choctaw tongue and my impatience and my over indulgence and my jealousy and my judging and a thousand other things, someone died for those sins. Someone loves us enough to forgive us and bring us out of the darkness. 

 “You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.”-1 Thessalonians 5:5.

Before Jesus we were all just wandering around in the dark, a tunnel with no light at the end. We were dust. We are dust, but because of his sacrifice, because of those nails driven into his hands and feet, we are children of the light. We do not belong to the night, we belong to the day. I believe Jesus had a choice. I believe he could have ran. He could have turned the other way and not fulfilled his destiny. He could have forsaken us. I believe when he prayed for the cup to be taken from him, he was terrified and perhaps having second thoughts. “Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Yet he stayed and cast his own will aside for the will of God so we would not be forsaken. When I think about Jesus in a more human nature, when I think about him being afraid or in pain or sad or alone, it is almost more than I can bear. He was such a nice guy. He was such a giver and a teacher and he just wanted to love everyone. I am sad he had to die. I wish I could have known him. I wish I could have had dinner with him. So that we would not be forsaken. So that we would have a life in the light and not in the darkness. So that we could live again. So that we could be free.

Isaiah 42:16 God says, “I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.”

 You are a child of the light, a child of the day. You have been chosen by God himself to walk into His marvelous light.

Friend loved by God, remember this Easter weekend that you are a peony bloom just about to burst open. Remember that all of your sins were placed on that cross and that you are forgiven. Remember that you are CHOSEN, that you are a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD. God loves you so much. He isn’t up there judging you or scolding you or being angry at you. He is loving you. HE CHOSE YOU TO BE HIS.  He paid the price. He gave his only son. The tomb was empty. Whatever your fear in the darkness may be, whatever struggle you may have, whatever aches in your heart, choose to walk in the light because someone loved you enough (the one and only wonderful you) to choose death for you. Hold your head up high and be His possession, be His prize. Jesus did not run. He stayed. He stayed for you and for me. You are worth it. Every bit of afraid and alone and sad Jesus felt was worth it because of how marvelous you are. Because of how good your heart is and how bright your light shines and because this world is so much better with you in it. This Easter above all else, be reminded of how much you are adored and that no amount of night will keep the sun from rising. Breathe in and out and feel that warm air on your skin and show yourself some love. You are a child of God, a saved one in Christ and your rough places will be turned into level ground. For you Jesus stayed, for you he took the cup, for you he walked into the darkness so that your light may shine. Because he lives. 

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9