Many moons ago, a therapist I was seeing told me I have a super harsh punitive ego or a harsh punitive superego or something like that. Basically, I am extremely hard on myself. I internally question every decision I make and just beat myself up over and over and over. Where this came from I do not know. I grew up in a home full of love and support and I am beginning to realize one thing: it is an attack on our souls from the depths.
I feel like I have been having lots of conversations with other women lately and if I see one thing we all have in common it is this trait. SO HARD ON OURSELVES.
We apologize. We question our self-worth. We dismiss compliments. We lack confidence. We feel guilt. We compare ourselves to others. We are discontent with our appearances. We put on fronts. We lower our standards. We give up. We overload ourselves with so many to do’s, we can barely keep it all straight. We are entangled and consumed and exhausted and unsure. We beat ourselves up over and over again. I am so guilty of this. I am not sure what my fear is. Perhaps what others will think of me? Fear of failing miserably as a mother, wife, sister, daughter for the whole world to know? Fear of not being enough compared to other women? Silly, silly fear. I have thought about this so much lately. I am surrounded by amazing, beautiful, strong ladies in my family, friendships, church and community. Women that I aspire to be like. Women that teach me and strenghten me. So, why then, are we in a constant state of snuffing out our own torch? Why are we cowering, doubting and back pedaling when we should be enlightening, mentoring and encouraging?
Lisa Bevere writes, in her book, Girls With Swords, “You are a beloved, royal daughter of the Most High God. The enemy’s approach may look different with each of us, but he will do all that is within his power to hinder or bend your growth to his purposes and distract you from your heavenly destiny.”
Have you ever thought, beloved, that perhaps you are being attacked? That the little voice inside your head saying you are not good enough, saying that plan will never work, saying that idea is laaaaaaaaaaaaaame is an actual attack on your destiny? Have you ever thought it is all part of a perfect plan to wrongfully claim what is rightfully yours, to hold you back from greatness, to destroy and crush God’s plan for you? It is. It is exactly that. The enemy that seeks to steal, kill and destroy is doing everything in his power to darken your path and to cover up your trail.
“The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual…..for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost.”-Scott Peck
I can safely say I have spent a good part of the last decade of my life letting the evil voice win. I have listened to those whispers of how unimportant I am. How much my voice doesn’t matter and how much I hate my too small chin. Yesterday I met with our Pastor and presented an idea which caused her to clap. She legit gleefully clapped for my idea. It was a pivotal moment for me. It spurred this article and made me feel so WORTHY. Because you know what? I am. I am worthy. And so are you dear one.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”-Hebrews 12:1
Ladies, not only are you surrounded by people that love you here on this planet. You are surrounded by the greatest cloud of witnesses clapping so ferociously for you and the amazing things you are accomplishing. That’s right my Granny Bea and Ashley’s Grandmother Paulie and all the women (and men) who have gone before us are up there cheering us on. Let us throw off everything that HINDERS us and the sin that so easily entangles us…..that snakey quiet whisper that says you cannot…..THROW. IT. OFF. Let it go. Move it out. Toss it into the ocean with an anchor so heavy it will never resurface again.
Because sweet sister, you are beautiful and majestic and all things Holy. You are anointed. You ARE ANOINTED and there is a race you MUST run. There is a battle you must fight, an attacker you must conquer and a path you must forge.
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Today my friends, go out and run your race. Believe in God's purpose for you, know that you are worthy and give yourself a big ole clap.