February 26th, 2015
HAP graced us with his presence on February 26, 2015 at 11:15 a.m. as the snowflakes turned thick and heavy. Throughout my pregnancy the words MIGHTY! AND REJOICE! would blare in my head. Mighty, indeed. He is tiny weighing in at a mere 7 lbs. 14 oz. but he is surely mighty. He found his way into this world swiftly and boldly and cried the moment we set eyes on him. Seconds later he was nursing with full force and the undoubted ‘ruler of our hearts’. His name sake is a German/Russian potato farmer I never had the pleasure of meeting. I have been told he was somber and hardworking and stoic, as is his grandson, my husband and my partner in this life and all the ones before and after it. The father of this child and my second chance to do it right, to do it forever. The single person who causes me to look in the mirror every day and want to be better and know that I am my best.
I knew long before Henry burst into our lives that day, that he was special. Blessed, anointed, a child held in God’s hands, an old soul and the truest of gifts. In all the whirlwind that is child birth, I felt a strong presence of the Heavenlies in the delivery room that day. I believe I even spoke the words out loud. Perhaps Henry August himself, his wife Pauline (Ashley’s beloved grandmother), Adam Crownover, Justin Gifford, Beatrice Benton, Roy Bulls. Angels delivered him into our arms and I could keenly sense our great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. He is a miracle and a gift and a combination of all that is good in both of us. Here to remind us of the race that is set before us. To remind us to shed the heavy cloak of our past sins and mistakes and to start anew. Running with such might and force towards all that is good and lovely and angelic. I can and will always remember looking around the hospital room that day and envisioning the faces of those who have gone before us smiling and clapping and whispering of his beauty and might; rejoicing as he left them to be our son. The love and grace of the past year and the jet black Mohawk atop his perfect head has forever changed my soul and changes it again and again every day. Mighty. He is mighty. I will forever rejoice.
‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.’-Hebrews 12:1
I wrote this on the day Mr. Ruler of the House was born and since then, man have we needed a great cloud of witnesses. The love of my life had school and was gone M-F for three weeks in February. This past Friday was his last day and upon his return home HAP was pretending in his kitchen. When AAP pulled up, I said in a sing songy voice, someone is here to see you. My sweet child threw his pots and pans down, ran as fast as he could to the front door and when he saw his daddy's work truck pull in the drive he screamed with GLEEEEEE Holy Crap. HOLY SHIT. I fainted. I fell out of my chair and fainted. I could not even reprimand him. He looked at me and knew he was about to be in big trouble but ya'll he was so excited those bad words BURST out of his mouth. It was single handedly the cutest thing he had done all week.
I do not know what our lives would be like without this rambunctious, wild as a march hare, crazy kid. He is uber smart and uber independent and that makes him uber challenging. Can I get an Amen? This morning I had to give myself an ole pat on the back for keeping this kid alive and healthy for three years because there have been days I have wondered..... I have wondered how we manage to stay sane, teetering on that ledge at times, yet love a boy so much we explode on a daily basis. Isn't that what parenting is? These moments of utter desperation, fear and frustration only to be trumped by moments of sheer joy and adoration. We simply adore him, frustrations and all. Swearing and tractor crashing and chicken chasing and MESS MAKING and fit throwing. Because it is all wrapped up in the sweetest most precious kiss giving, big heart having, fun loving package. This kid is our challenge, our race that is going to take some endurance. The guy that is the sugar and spice to our family. Sometimes I am afraid. Afraid that he will always buck the system and grow up to be something....I am afraid of...... because he is so strong and pushes so hard. But deep in my heart, past the fear, I know that all lives need a little color, a little vibrance, a little exasperation because it makes the sweet times all the more sweeter.
I would have NEVER, and I mean never, allowed B to consume the amount of sugar this kid has on a daily basis or use the swear words or go to bed without having 8 books read to her or, or, or. But he isn't B and God knew I needed to be stretched and tested and pushed outside the box. For every swear word and every fear, there are 1,000 moments of absolute pride and joy and the icing off of a cupcake on his birthday morning. I cannot fathom a life, a boring ole life, without this spunky guy in it. We were blessed on that day 3 years ago and he has blessed us in the most hard and delightful ways every day since.
...Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.’-Hebrews 12:1
It doesn't say the jog or or the walk or the sunny stroll on a summer's day. It says the RACE THAT IS SET BEFORE US. Like all things in life, it takes the shadows to see the light, the hard times to appreciate the good, loss to remember life and tests to value patience. Happy happy birthday to my beautiful boy, the ruler of our hearts.